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Last weekend I had the untold pleasure of going to the Paddock Wood Hop Farm Music Festival. What a weekend it was. Much music, minimal mud, wonderful weather, staying up all night, and encountering the most intriguing characters. Even Sir Bruce Forsyth had a turn on th emain stage.
I prepared for my weekend by reading around online for tips on how to get the most out of a music festival. A good keyword search is "what to take to a music festival." I went armed with my camping gear, loo rol, wet wipes, fully charged mobile phone, and a sense of humour. I thought carefully about what to take, as I knew it would be a long trek from the car park to the campiing field at the festival. You can't just drive up and drop yuor kit off where you are going to pitch your tent. Oh no, that would be easy. You have to go through thr physically and mentally gruelling challenge of lugging everything you have brought with you across several fields unitl you can find a gap amongst the patchwork quilt of tents pitched butting up against each other.
You do have a few choices of how to get your gear across the mile or so of fields:
1. Carry it - could take a few journeys thought;
2. Hire a wheelbarrow, or bring your own;
3. Hire a festival taxi for £10 a trip. It takes five people and your gear piled into a large trailer.
We carried some of our gear on the first run, while we collected our wristbands that granted us access to the place. After the slowness and apparent reluctance to carry anything from some of the youngest lads in our group, we opted for piling everything in a festival taxi in a single trip. Well worth sacrificing several pints of beer I can tell you.
The campsite seemed to stretch for miles. Some friends had managed to save us a gap in the melee of tents pitched cheek by jowl. I only just managed to squeeze it into the gap. There was literally only just space to walk around the tent.
As soon as the tent was up, it was off to listen to some music. We had to take a detour to the phone charging booth, as one person had brought their iphone without charging it. You can get it recharged by the hour, or overnight. If you want the battery to last longer, turn off 3G and data feeds. If you want free calls, get yourself some walkie talkies like the Motorola Talkr. These are great where the festival does not have great phone reception, or you can't get a line as there are too many people on the network.
While some of us headed for the music, the newly turned teenagers with us headed off to the bright lights of the fairground rides. They rapidly burned their way through their cash, going on the rides, buying the customary festival hats (you have to wear an outrageous hat at a festival. It makes you stand out in the crowd so that people notice you, and your friends can find you in the scrum), and buying burgers bigger than your hands can hold.
I got hold of the running order for the weekend so that I could plan what to see. This is not available on the festival website. You have to buy a programme for a tenner, or a lanyard with laminated cards for a fiver. I went for the miserly route and used my phone to take a piccy of the line up posted on the wall of the information tent.
The headline acts tend to be on later - around 9pm til 11pm. Then you can watch comedians on the comedy stage into the early hours. If you think that th enight is over at 11pm, you are very much mistaken. There's the half hour walk back to your tent (if you can fin dit in the dark). The time to get to your tent is significantly greater at the larger festivals like Glastonbury. Be prepared for a loooonnng walk. Oh yes, then you have the queue for the toilet. If you want to wash before bed, you have to find one of the outdoor sink stations. They are basically six taps providing running water. No bowl. No plugs. No hot water. No way!
Back at the tent, more entertainment can be had until th esun comes up. Yes there is bound to be plenty of that going on. I was referring to the music provided all over the campsite by the numerous folk bands that spring up. They usually form around someone who has brought a guitar with them. We were lucky enough to have several groups of experienced festival goers who could not only play the guitar and sing, but were quite good at using Pringles cans upside down for bongos.
We also had the pleasure of the emotional turmoil of Emily and Esther in a neighbouring tent who shrieked a steady flow of profanities, abuse and incoherent babble through til 4am every night until they finally passed out. The thing was that you couldn't get to sleep as you couldn't believe that someone could get so upset over something as trivial as inflating a balloon. Then the airbed was flat. And then the accusations of how mean Emily has been over the last few weeks...
Still, if you don't like th eidea of such amusement around you all night, ear plugs should most definitely be on your list of essential things to take to a music festival.
The mornings started at around 7am. Wow! Did I really manage to get 3 hours of sleep? I took my picnic stove and whistling kettle for a cup of coffee, which helped me make several friends from neighbouring tents. I also had the foresight to bring several packets of pain au chocolat. Easier to pack than cereal and milk. We had more breakfast around 10am courtesy of the Strumpets with Crumpets (that's what it said on their van, honest), the pancake van, and the Big Breakfast van. We didn't bother with the showers - queue for half an hour to wash in the mess someone else has left, no thank you. As a guy it was strip to the waist and use the cold water at the sinks to wash.
All in all, it was a great weekend. loved Joan Armatrading, Bob Dylan and Gary Newman. Primal Scream played their core stuff, which I wasn't that keen on. Peter Gabriel was ok. And Bruce Forsyth was as entertaining as ever. I am glad I went, and glad that the weather was dry. Minimal mud. Glastonbury here I come.
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